it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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