She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
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I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
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Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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