I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
