my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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