I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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