any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
