Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
