So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
