brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
