A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
