The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
