that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
