I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
