we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
