i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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