Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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