I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
