He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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