Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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