Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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