my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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