508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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