I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
