the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
