Just fell off a train. Bad.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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