New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
