Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
