I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
