i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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