you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
