how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
