Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
