and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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