The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
