No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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