I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
