I will die if light touches me.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
