Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
