So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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