My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
