I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
