I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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