i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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