just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
