Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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