So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
