heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
