You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
