he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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