I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
