After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
