Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
