you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
soo... how was my night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
