My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize