Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
