I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
