Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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