The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
