she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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