Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
