I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
