Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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