you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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