I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
