Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
